I have recently resumed again with my yoga classes that I find to be interesting since I have a great affinity with the exercises and movements. I recognize that the yoga classes are supportive for my balance and decompression from being working with my father which is doing physical tasks within building constructions although sometimes making me too tired to participate in the yoga classes assiduously. In the other hand I find the classes supportive in terms of physical movement and physical expression.

Nonetheless I have been building for some time, a constant expectation concerning the possibility of having a relationship with my yoga teacher that I consider attractive, and a particular self-dishonest point came to my awareness in a recent moment when I noticed some intimacy between my yoga teacher and one other colleague that is more assiduous than me in the classes.

I have come to realize that as I was participating in the classes I was nurturing an expectation towards the potentiality of a relationship with C., the teacher. The fact is that after an extended period of time where I had various occasions of communication I didn’t even tried to express and share my perspectives simply because I was so immerse in my problems relating my present life, my father´s problems and creating justifications for not to do the classes due to the classes´ monthly cost. Also because of this I accepted myself to express myself by patterns of indifference which were based in self-dishonesty, and I come to a point of disappointment/frustration realizing how I have been, throughout all my life giving away opportunities like this, without ever moving myself effectively to meet with my natural and evident “pulsing”, to show myself opened for relations with beings of opposed sex, instead, what I do and came to believe I should do, is close to nothing in terms of getting intimate with another, just because of habit and believe. Nevertheless this episode has appeared to me as an eye opening, for me to realize who I am here, and therefore stopping this system from now onward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been building expectations concerning having some type of relationship with my yoga teacher towards witch I have come to realize to be a hidden desire for sex, that I nurtured so that I could get a rush-feeling when in the classes and therefore coping with my sex-system while participating in yoga classes;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience jealousy in the form of an energetic depletion in the moment I sensed that my yoga teacher was getting close/intimate with another colleague and therefore inaccessible to be in relationship;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become immersed in a thick emotion of disappointment and frustration when realizing that my yoga teacher is dating another colleague, giving me the perspective that C., the teacher, could probably available right when I could get in a close touch with her. This scenario I always thought to be “far fetched for my league”, in others words I believed myself to be too limited and “handicapped” to relate with C., the teacher, since she is a bit older than me, much more active and successful.

I commit myself to share and express instead of being constantly limiting myself because of being introverted.  I commit myself to speak words that reflect my self-honesty.