In terms of working, I would preferable choose to be working in an engineering office with other colleagues, which would give me a certain income and better perspectives for my professional life, future and money stability.

I have some experience in this work from having worked in the past, some years ago, although I have been unemployed since then, making just some sporadic engineer documents from time to time, mainly because my father requires them for the city hall from time to time to get the licenses for his works.

Since I ended my graduation, my hopes and enthusiasm of starting to make a living have been fading away added to my father’s financial difficulties. I started to work within my father’s construction work, right when my father’s finances forced him to pay some old overdue taxes that he had, mainly because my father was not very akin to pay for his taxes in the past. His way of dealing with businesses was very careless from this viewpoint.

My father is a hard working man; although I judge him because he drinks a lot wine, which I think doesn't goes well for the cleanest thinking process. My father is a very talented builder and hard worker in the construction with a life of working experience and I learn many thinks by working near him and his two employees. Said this, my ideal was being working in an engineering office and of course that due to the actual circumstances I am impelled to the heavy physical work, which is also scarce in the present times. Realizing that it’s the alternative that I have, I have been helping my father in his work. How I relate with my father is often accompanied with some resentment due to how his business led our family to such situation in terms of money requirements.  

Often I Have to deal with the same problems over and over, mainly concerning my father´s finances and additional outcomes that have been a really disquiet for me and source of anxiety for ourselves in home, and also for me and how I am relating with others in my small social circle.

I have a very monotonous life. I live in the outskirts of a small town and I am usually given to stay at home when with unused time and in the past months spending more time in my backyard, where I am growing some vegetables, which gives me some tranquility and enjoyment.

I have been practicing yoga in classes once a week. In the morning when waking up, I also like to do some stretching and later during the day I may also do some stretching depending on my disposition. My main objective in participating in the yoga classes in my town was to be more relaxed and obtain some tranquility, although I will skip the classes for a while due to the monthly / weekly payments.

Curiously I have been investigating information about ayurveda, which is often related with yoga, from a book that I am reading for a while. It’s a very interesting book, “Timeless_Secrets_of_Health_and_Rejuvenation”, which has been making me more in touch with some concepts related with health and diet, and I find myself more recently very often watching videos /documentaries or reading books and articles about similar topics.

The area of health and diet is something that I had rarely considered in the past, and as I investigate about related topics I start understanding how specific foods affect the body.

I don’t have any specific issue with cravings or addictions, although from knowing more in depth the effects of foods in the body, I am becoming more moderated in what type and amount of foods are better for my body, in terms of nurturing and sustaining my physical body.

Sometimes I find that properties or benefits of specific foods may be contradictory depending on the author / doctor / medical system. So I concluded that in terms of food intake, it’s also necessary to take common sense, and not be making drastic changes in diet, without knowing for sure how my body will adapt.

For instance I would preferable follow a diet with no intake of animal products, although in my home I follow my family diet which often includes meat on a daily basis. My father above all eats a lot of meat products which is a diet more in relation with his work within the dogma of we must eat meat to get strength; my mother in the other way doesn’t eat meat products although she states that we, me and my sisters, have to or else we would become unhealthy and thin. I found that adjusting my diet is also an interesting thing for me to do, and I am currently getting myself more selective with food, adding more fruits and vegetables to my diet, and currently enjoying planting vegetables in my backyard, since I have often spare time.

Along to my preoccupation of my father`s financial issues, is also a time-consuming preoccupation for me the fact of wanting to establish a relationship with a woman. I consider myself an interesting person, although under the tension that I carry out accumulated I often send a not so cool impression on others.

Presently, my small social circle also doesn’t give me the opportunity to be in the company of girls/women very often, mostly because of how I interact with others, when in friendly environments, wherein I often am a bit detached from the environment that is created around conversations.

For instance when I do get along within conversations with friends I often find myself becoming a bit nervous after a while, because of having a background growing in my mind of preoccupation for my father’s financial situation and the fact that I am unemployed and with difficulty to have access to money, wherein the topics of my conversations often relate with money, buying things, spending money on vacations, work, social economy, social status, and so forth. 

I´ve been working some more days with my father in construction works and have been experiencing often a heavy sensation in my actions as tension. I relate this due to me been facing with difficulty in getting a job in my graduation area of civil engineering although I had already realized that is not easy to get an opportunity in my area of civil engineering in my country, due to the sudden increase of civil engineers in the last few years added to the construction crises in Portugal, although I am not accepting the idea of not working in my area of graduation, because of the effort and time spent on finishing the graduation. Also and maybe most important, would be the fact that if I was working as a civil engineer I would earn more money that I can make just being helping my father which is yet in a difficult financial situation. This scenario is being compounding month after month as I see myself more and more immersed in a sensation of lack of power with no clear idea on how to direct my life, and make my skills of practical use.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will not fulfill the hopes and expectations that I and my family have of me working as a civil engineer, and therefore not be able to make my skills of practical use and live to my utmost potential;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself that I will not be able to live my utmost potential due to the fact that I am unemployed and limited by the amount of money I can make just being helping my father;

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I am not adjusted to the competitive world of civil engineering, due to me not having many work experience working for instance, in an office environment;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that for me to work in my area of graduation I have to change and become someone else, due to me feeling that I am not adjusted to work within an environment that involves dealing with different professionals, that are generally much more experienced than me;

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that I will not be able to live my utmost potential due to me not being practicing my working skills as engineer or within a similar job, where I could use my skills and develop the potential that I have, mainly involving some kind of calculations and routine procedures;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive that I am losing time and effort, when I am getting additional courses in the area of civil engineering or courses that I consider of value for me, thinking that whatever courses I take, I will not get a job due to my limited work experience and/or because people generally don’t see me as a valuable worker;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for believing that I am dependent on getting a job to start living in a honorable way, instead of realizing that I am honoring myself in the moment I stop my thoughts of limitation created from fear of survival, honoring and respecting myself as others in my life, supporting myself and committing myself to enjoy myself and therefore enjoy living in total acceptance for any condition that is current manifested in my life.

Therefore I take my life as it is, without any judgment or emotional reaction, making sure that within respecting myself, I make sure that I respect others in my life, enjoying and relating with others as equals.

When and as I see myself concerning about me not being currently using / applying my skills and potentiality as in a work position, I stop my thoughts and I focus on my breathing, realizing that I can use my potential as I give direction in practical actions in my daily life that require attention, therefore making myself self responsible as I give direction in my daily life activities.

Within this don’t allowing myself to start thinking in additional projections, wanting, needs to get a job.

Therefore, as I direct myself in my daily activities / occupations that are required, I place my attention and focus on moving myself in the most effective and practical way as my present moments require.

I am currently walking some compounded stress related with situations in my life for the past months, specifically my standing point concerning being searching for a job and integration within a professional career, my father ´s financial difficulties and money concerns, my relation with my father / helping my father, me wanting to meet the expectations of my parents, and also points related with hobbies, social interactions, relationships and friends.

In the past days I have been reading about topics concerning health and food/diet, with the idea / curiosity of improving my general health/ diet. I have been cutting some of my food habits although I still am searching for healthier alternatives, for instance I cut on dairy products and reduced bread intake, and increased fruits as for breakfast. I am now also planting some vegetables in my backyard, since reading about health and food/diet, gave me some ideas on how to add healthier products in my diet for the perspective of aiding my body for a better health where some of my conditions that I see being improving are mostly related with my skin and digestion.

I have an elegant athletic stature, flexible and a just a bit muscular also. Being working with my father in recent periods increased my strength mostly in my arms and chest from having to deal with the work materials. I run in the park sporadically and am going to yoga classes once a week, which increases my flexibility. I am akin to yoga from the perspective of increasing flexibility and exercising breathing, although I am still in this topic a bit unsure about my starting point of going to yoga classes because I find myself a bit attracted to the yoga instructor. I decided for this attraction I experience, to take it from the point of don’t allowing it to agitate me and simply seeing it as a sensation that I can simply breath through, when being embarrass by it, realizing that the woman in question is attractive as herself as a way of being and relating with others, and not from a point of me being attracted to her, which would only denote how I place attractiveness of women in a sexualized context.

Since I am without job I find difficult to decide what direction to make for my life, and end sometimes investigating topics hoping to find some direction to follow. My main focus is nonetheless about finding a job, which has been very complicated for me because there aren’t many available jobs where I can work. I have to consider some alternative and most certainly have to continue being with my father working/ aiding him. I am not working with my father as I used to in the last months, because his work is fewer in the moment, so this makes me feel that the money will somehow be scarce soon, due to the monthly payments that we required to pay, where if my father’s monthly payments are not met from his profits from work, there will be some real trouble dealing with payments. In this scenario I have been building some fear and preoccupation that has created me a lot of tension and stress, because of the perspective of having to be stuck to my father´s debts as being working just to cover his payments.

For my area of graduation in my country there aren’t many jobs available and there is a lot of competition from unemployed professionals that have more skills than me for the available jobs, so I realize that only with a good lot of luck can I arrange some work position as engineer. I have been opening my mind to try other areas although with no luck either.     

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being for so long without a regular job within a fixed routine, giving me the idea that I am not suitable for having a job in my area of graduation;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being unemployed, thinking that this situation is due to my inadequacy and inability to integrate myself in the standards required of a professional person;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am not properly integrated in society because I still don’t have a clear perspective of my future as an working individual, while comparing myself with other people that are successfully engaged in their careers;   

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am being misusing the best years of my life without building any line of business / career;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound stress and tension by being constantly worry about how will be paid all the monthly payments of my father, making me think of an uneasy future for the next years;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate tension without allowing me to take a moment to breath and bring myself to a point where I can get myself able to respond effectively to daily activities / works necessary, without being in a constant preoccupied mood of interaction;

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss my breath by being continued focused in a construct idea of having to struggle to survive and this way creating unnecessary discomfort within me, that has the consequence of giving me difficulty to be practical and doing things within the best logic common-sense;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be creating a belief about what I should not eat and what should I avoid, while at the same time judging others as for instance my father who eats a lot of meat and drinks a lot of wine, giving me the sensation that sooner or later my father will have some health problem related with his diet;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that due to my father age and diet, sooner or later he will have to stop work, and therefore his income used to pay monthly payments will become compromised;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can´t move myself towards a way out of my survival mode spiral with worries and preoccupations as how to earn money and how to find a job that suits my aptitude;

I realize how I am being limited in terms of money available in my life, which relates with my father’s business and the way how his business was directed financially. I realize that any aid I give is important to put things in the right path, because even in such scenario there is always a way to move things around which takes motivation and responsibility. I realize my ability to face such conjunction in terms of doing the best I can to bring myself out of a survival mode spiral and start directing myself and explore abilities that could be of any use coping with such moment in my life. I have in the past for instance become really impressed with my capability of adaptation to a heavy work context, learning to lead my body along many days straight of tough work. In this idea surely I can adapt to any problem with the right amount of motivation, when nothing else more is available.

When and as I find myself worrying about monthly payments and money lack, I breath and stop my thoughts for a moment, allowing myself to discern the common sense direction that I am able to do in certain moments and therefore stopping myself for a moment of any unnecessary resistance that can divert me from being responsibly able to met any required task.

I commit myself to slowly stop resistances and excuses for not to move and rather adapt myself and transform any retarded thinking process in self will and motivation to take hand over my life committing myself self-honestly to what’s best.

Being unemployed

Being unemployed is an experience that causes me some disappointment and preoccupation. The disappointment I feel is mostly coming from seeing that my application, determination and confidence in myself had come to diminish with the passing of time, considering that I have finished my high school four years ago, where the perspective that I had in the past to get a job was not met yet. Being unemployed also brings me preoccupation thinking that I could be applying my qualifications or using my abilities to have a stable income for instance working in civil engineering or other work other than what I do currently to occupy myself as I´ve been working with my father in construction works in the periods where there are more tasks to be done in the work. Within being working with my father I have become aware of certain procedures that involve my father´s work, and particularly how my father´s work had led to the accumulation of debts in the past. His business in construction works had led to the accumulation of debts some years ago, and since I had finished my high school I have been very affected and conditioned also with the consequences that took place, where for instance I became without a car or without resources available to consider some alternative other than start working with my father within helping him in his work. I have been taking this conjuncture in these past few years with a sense of guilt and sorrow because I ended up feeling some responsibility for the whole situation since I, in the past, rarely wanted to deal with my father´s business due to how I was concerned only with myself and my studies in high school as if I was with the eyes closed in relation to my father´s work/business in construction works.

So the uncertainty in terms of what direction to take has made me consider the necessity of having to help my father working and assisting him in certain tasks in order to overcome his debts. In another perspective this continued situation brings me a lot of frustration within thinking that I am compromising myself in relation to the effort that I took within finishing my graduation that can bring me better work opportunities, and even a fastest way to overcome the current lack of money in home.  

I realize how money is playing a major role in my life and how I am been affected by the lack of it. Particularly in the last months I have been building some anguish within me that I relate with this sensation of powerlessness towards how things have been improving in my life in the past few years, in terms of working and earning money that is also affecting my life in terms of social interaction and communication with others, where I hardly experience enjoyment of self expression communicating openly with others. I feel that I am not improving myself adequately in terms of these aspects of interacting with others, communicating and expressing myself and came to conclude the necessity of improving myself in these aspects, in order to make me once again take a practical direction in my current situation that can be more helpful in terms of me taking responsibility for myself and using my capacities in a more productive way.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself feeling powerlessness due to my perceived inability to get a job and sensation of lack of money;

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become affected within experiencing guilt and sorrow from the sensation of lack of money due to my father´s current money conjuncture;

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to in certain moments start building up frustration within me perceiving myself incapable to find a way out of my perception of lack of money that I have connected with the experience of fear of survival;

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to compromise my own experience of expression and communication with others due to accepting myself to think that I have no power to change my current situation and therefore allow myself to continue to participate in the perception of lack of money where all that I can perceive is how lack of money affects me, to the point of having to fear for survival within picturing how money is difficult to obtain, and further allow myself to feel inferior comparing myself with other colleagues that have a stable work, wherein my high school graduation and skills only lead me to disappointment in getting a job due to the specific standards and experience required for this specific job career;

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to hardly allow myself to experience enjoyment expressing and communicating with others, because of being too focused on how hard my life as become due to lack of money, and consequently loosing hand of myself in the sense of improving my relationship with others;

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I am powerless to direct myself and take control over my life and instead allow myself to continue participating within the perception of lack of money;

I forgive myself for haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am losing touch with myself because of being fueling the sense of anguish / lack of money from the continued participation in guilt and sorrow, from not being able to respond to my father´s financial situation in a more helpful way, where for instance I could be using my skills and competences working as civil engineer and providing in a more helpfully way for house bills and personal expenses;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in guilt and sorrow from the idea that I have of being also responsible for my father´s debts, where I in the moments of realizing the debts my father owned, became more and more stuck in the emotion of powerlessness within realizing how conditioned my life is and how lack of money has become a reality in my life;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my father´s earnings when and during my high school when I was focused within my studies without considering how my father´s earnings in his business were not the idea I had of him having a regular clean income, but were actually more a not so wise way of working and running a business where certain situations / irresponsibility led to a financial crisis;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame / judge my father as irresponsible when thinking that our current money lack could had been preventable for a great extent, if certain measures were taken into account at the proper time, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame / judge someone, specially myself for this scenario of money lack, instead of realizing that it´s more relevant for the moment to take responsibility for myself and using my efforts to discern the best way to give a concrete direction in my life, being it helping my father, or searching for a suitable work, where I make sure that no inhibition is taking place within me coming out of fear that could make me lose opportunities that actually are available in life in terms of me placing myself more effective in my life to become able to respond with more ability to the requirements entailed in my life.  

I realize that wanting to blame / judge another and myself for certain experiences and limitations in my life, specifically concerning money lack, is in any way relevant, and even becomes a way of inhibition from being effectively connected with reality in terms of using / considering the available opportunities that come naturally in my life. Therefore I stop myself from becoming affected emotionally within sorrow and guilt and instead I direct myself to consider the opportunities of using my skills / abilities in the best effective way, connecting myself with self-responsible common-sense within the requirements entailed in my life.  

Within this I stop myself from building anguish / guilt / sorrow, due to my initially disappointment and preoccupation of being unemployed, realizing that to be in such situation is also an opportunity to face myself and start looking for real change and real participation in my life and also giving a definitive stop for the hope in something else that could save me, that sometimes one would start to think about when in a similar situation.  

Therefore, I commit myself to start building self-trust within me, realizing how opportunities become available when I consider giving the best of myself and therefore placing myself able to respond to the specific requirements of my life with total care for what is best.

I have recently resumed again with my yoga classes that I find to be interesting since I have a great affinity with the exercises and movements. I recognize that the yoga classes are supportive for my balance and decompression from being working with my father which is doing physical tasks within building constructions although sometimes making me too tired to participate in the yoga classes assiduously. In the other hand I find the classes supportive in terms of physical movement and physical expression.

Nonetheless I have been building for some time, a constant expectation concerning the possibility of having a relationship with my yoga teacher that I consider attractive, and a particular self-dishonest point came to my awareness in a recent moment when I noticed some intimacy between my yoga teacher and one other colleague that is more assiduous than me in the classes.

I have come to realize that as I was participating in the classes I was nurturing an expectation towards the potentiality of a relationship with C., the teacher. The fact is that after an extended period of time where I had various occasions of communication I didn’t even tried to express and share my perspectives simply because I was so immerse in my problems relating my present life, my father´s problems and creating justifications for not to do the classes due to the classes´ monthly cost. Also because of this I accepted myself to express myself by patterns of indifference which were based in self-dishonesty, and I come to a point of disappointment/frustration realizing how I have been, throughout all my life giving away opportunities like this, without ever moving myself effectively to meet with my natural and evident “pulsing”, to show myself opened for relations with beings of opposed sex, instead, what I do and came to believe I should do, is close to nothing in terms of getting intimate with another, just because of habit and believe. Nevertheless this episode has appeared to me as an eye opening, for me to realize who I am here, and therefore stopping this system from now onward.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have been building expectations concerning having some type of relationship with my yoga teacher towards witch I have come to realize to be a hidden desire for sex, that I nurtured so that I could get a rush-feeling when in the classes and therefore coping with my sex-system while participating in yoga classes;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience jealousy in the form of an energetic depletion in the moment I sensed that my yoga teacher was getting close/intimate with another colleague and therefore inaccessible to be in relationship;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become immersed in a thick emotion of disappointment and frustration when realizing that my yoga teacher is dating another colleague, giving me the perspective that C., the teacher, could probably available right when I could get in a close touch with her. This scenario I always thought to be “far fetched for my league”, in others words I believed myself to be too limited and “handicapped” to relate with C., the teacher, since she is a bit older than me, much more active and successful.

I commit myself to share and express instead of being constantly limiting myself because of being introverted.  I commit myself to speak words that reflect my self-honesty.

  

Self-forgiveness and running-thoughts

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist calming myself focus in my breathing;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself pushing myself to continue with accelerated actions, without realizing that I am resisting placing my focus in my breathing;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself disregarding the support of breathing before jumping from one task to another;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being projecting myself and hasting myself for the completion of something, without placing attention in myself here, breathing and moving;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself waiting for determined task being concluded with the purpose of getting the relief of its conclusion or accomplishment;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself being preoccupied for something happening that would cause me to feel guilty and regretful related with money expenses, because that would be indicative that I can’t be trustworthy of handling money;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself wanting a fast solution for my present concerns and in hope of any magical solution I place myself creating expectations in my mind;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself overwhelmed investigating possible paths that I can follow to solve my concerns creating expectations to find a magical solution that could give me exactly what I want without realizing that I am not breathing effectively and further closing myself in my mind;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself closing myself in my mind within the expectation of accomplishment of a required work;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself doubting that by breathing effectively I can give myself more discernment in directing myself in every moment;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself becoming compulsive investigating any possible path that comes in my mind from which I could find the answer to solve my present concerns, without realizing that I am becoming further lost in my mind, and resisting facing directly the initial concerns that are here with me, and therefore I must realize that I simply tried to escape from directing myself here by going to my mind;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself becoming affected by my thoughts and be directed for their apparent superiority and ability of aid;

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel encaged by my logic and idealization about a required situation to be direct in my life, instead of giving myself a moment to stop and direct myself as a self direction that I apply as, practically and tangibly;

  

I commit myself to place my attention in my breathing walking with what is practical to apply, without having to become affected by my thoughts;

I commit myself to stop thoughts to affect my discernment in a moment, by me wanting to follow them and therefore becoming confined by them. Instead I walk with what is practically here in every moment;

I commit myself to stop myself from becoming automated by my thoughts;

I commit myself to breath and let go of arising thoughts, realizing in that moment my opportunity to end the deliberated addiction that I accepted within myself hoping that my thoughts could be more than me here.

Living Self-Honesty

The mind is based in polarity and by continuing to participate in the process of thinking I will express myself as the nature of what I am participating, within polarity, and experience myself separate from me here as presence as awareness.

If I have feelings as good or high states of being and believe myself to be what I am experiencing, I am affirming the existence within myself of the polarity of the feelings which will be the emotion of bad or low state of being such as for example: the experiences of happiness and sadness.

Self-honesty in every moment is to be aware of myself here and stop from participating in thoughts and also in feelings and emotions where polarity is established in my self.

If I have wants, desires, needs for something I am seeking an illusion that I have created in separation from me here, as presence as awareness, therefore I must stop my participation in all wants, desires and needs if I am willing me to be self honest with me here.

The mind as conscious systematic perception is not what I am as presence as awareness, and therefore to be self-honest is to stop the perception and believe that I am my mind.

When I recognize that I am here and that I have to definitely stop myself from creating separation within my reality I must realize that my mind is simply showing me my selfdishonesty and where I am still accepting and allowing to participate within thoughts, feelings and emotions. Within this I assist myself trough the mind which reflects the self dishonesty that I am allowing and that needs self-correction.

To establish self-honesty within myself I identify what I will accept and allow within my life as my reality and what I will not accept and allow myself to participate within my life as my reality. Taking self-responsibility for self as all as one and equal.

This is possible as self-realization when I am present, here, as the physical breath.

Physical Breathing

The Physical Breathing is a tool to become self aware of the mind and physically aware of myself, as I breathe in this moment and stop my participation in my mind.

Normally I have thoughts running, ideas, concerns about certain situations - and within my breathing I assist myself in stabilizing myself. Stopping my participation in these thoughts that have no practical existence, that only serve to entertain myself and be somewhere else than here in this physical moment.

Thinking about things that could happen, irritations with someone or something, concerns about problems, entertaining myself with useless thoughts – within physical breathing, I make myself aware of all these points that my mind works with/consists on, as thoughts and also the experiencing of emotions and feelings – I breathe through these experiences and physical sensations, as also the releasing of points of stress in my body – relaxing in a way these stress points – finding my ground point, where I stabilize myself within the constancy of breathing with self-awareness of the movements of my mind.

Eventually I’ll observe some points to apply self-forgiveness towards certain thoughts, ideas, concerns. Though firstly I`ve to establish myself/stabilize my breathing because if not, if I am not self-aware of my breathing, the self-forgiveness application will only coming from a point of mind, as I am not grounded and stable I cannot apply self-forgiveness correctly and will only be abusing my application.

So firstly I make sure I am self-aware breathing, stopping my thoughts, mind movements as also emotions and feelings - my application is then a starting point to direct myself, to move myself in the physical.